Ban hari un tiki

[GinoX]

How the fight started vol. 1

1. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. I took her to a gas station. And that's how the fight started....

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2. I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.

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3. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'. And that's how the fight started.

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4. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started.
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5. I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.
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6. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’ He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.

[E.R.G]

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[GinoX]

Stupidity 101:

- An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that for academic purposes he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

- When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

- When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Well.... of course, this time it worked.

- Like, you are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down,and that's when you realize...... you have been listening to your iPod.

[GinoX]

A man and his wife went to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "Honey, when you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "Sweetness, all I wanted to do was to FUCK your brains out, and SUCK your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "Babe, it looks as if I did a darn good job."

[GinoX]

[YOUTUBE]OsfwPsuVjOk&feature[/YOUTUBE]

[BOOSTED]

Priceless

click play riba e radio show anto scucha

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/atoz/2010/02/point_morning_show_woody_rizzuto_guy_dumps_girlfriend_point_st_louis_1057.php

[GinoX]

Why i fired my secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning.I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife
would be pleasant and say,"Happy Birthday!" and possibly have a small present for me.As it turned out, she barely said
good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought...Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids....They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door. "It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day; let's go !"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go,she chose nstead a a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously .On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a
beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we ?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind,I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out

carrying a huge birthday cake .Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
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>> Naked.

[mazdaspeed_prt]

[D.Type]

Killer lizard attack!

[YOUTUBE]aIrq_wnNNnY[/YOUTUBE]

[GinoX]

[GinoX]

Por ta cu e ta un repost, but someone took that title already so....

Defense Attorney:
-Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
-I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
-Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
-There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
-Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
-No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
-What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
-He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
-Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
-No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
-Why not?
Little Old Lady:
-It felt good. You got to understand, nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
-What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
-He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
-Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
-No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
-Why not?
Little Old Lady:
-His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
-I see. What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
-Okay so... by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
-Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
-Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard

[Giliano]

Repost, pero toch eta keda un bon! hahaa

[AmericoRZ]

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[MenaceIIsociety]

lol...........

[GinoX]

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever,
because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.